Friday, November 13, 2009

Brain Dick or Your Hallowed Halls

Sent at 12:48 AM on Friday
me: my brain dick is HUGE
like it hardly fits
i can't wear hats
i sufffer from migraines
because my brain dick is constantly throbbing in my skull and pressing against my eyeballs
Morgan: i want to apply with that
me: you don't even know how much you want my giant brain cock in your school
your school wants it so bad
me: your school is a little slut who wants itbad
Morgan: lets get dirty and apply to grad schools
me: we can sexually harass everyone
me: Dear Wright Institute, my name is Lindsey Boldt and I am interested in studying psychology because I would like to someday use my in depth knowledge of the human psyche to start a cult based around making me feel good.
Morgan: because someday, i want your slut program to have my big brain dick bump up against your faculty walls
me: I will cultivate transference with as many people as possible until they all think that I am both their mommy and their daddy and then I will exploit them.
me: You, admissions councelor, you know you want it.
me: forget what the deans want
what do you want?
me: do you want a big juicy, hefty, healthy brain in your institution?
one that's sensitive to your needs
sensitive to your mission statement
Morgan: a big thick brain tearing through the panties of cold institutional thought?
Morgan: sensitive to the funding challenges faced in our new economy? this big dick is not only big, but comes loaded.
me: fully loaded
Morgan: ready to pour forth academic, fecund academic product, all over your eager admissions face
me: What does interdisciplinary mean to me? It means flexibility and confidence in a multiplicity of positions and departments.
me: It means that I can and will go and do ANYTHING
Morgan: it means bending over backwards for my intellectual passions, and the forwards, to meet the needs of the university as well
me: yes, forward little by little and then back, back and then forward and then back and forth and back and forth and back and forth
Morgan: i throb with an intellectualism that desires to explore every nook and cranny of my discipline, to taste every academic flavor that your program has to offer
me: my desire for knowledge and intellectual rigor is equaled in intensity only by my discipline and stamina.
Morgan: I am a person that's deeply concerned with how deep my big intellect can penetrate your institution
me: i am in it for the long, long haul. i take the phrase "masters program" very seriously. I will strive to achieve dominance in my field.
Morgan: When i say that I put the pedal to the metal in my academic pursuits, I mean that I will be putting my metal to your petal
me: I find rigidity of thought to be, yes exciting but I strive to enact a firmness of position while still maintaining the nubility and flexibility necessary to both challenge and please my institution
me: maybe we should write some from a female perspective
Morgan: the kind of academic experience I seek results from an intensely personal and exciting exploration of the most hidden and secret parts of myself. I hope that your faculty will recognize the unique position in which i now sit, ready, to receive.
me: i feel exhilarated by a kind of openness that i have never experienced before
Morgan: its almost as if revelations and realizations flood from somewhere previously untouched, a vault of pent up intellectual exhilaration, simply waiting for the seasoned hands of an autumn institution such as yours.
me: My mind needs stimulation
Morgan: by old man acadamia


John Sakkis said...

morgan makes me nervous inside. and i like it.

Ridiculous Human Things said...

Yeah, she was put here to rile us. It's a good thing.