I've been thinking

About what Dana Ward said about the "radical possibilities of friendship" and how both friendship and poetry could have the potential to be radically benevolent forces for good. How Dana should write a treatise outlining how this. The same Dana Ward's thing about "creating presence" with friends via the internet and how completely necessary it is do that sometimes when our closest loved ones are very far away. This makes me think about how much we dream our lives anyway and why not dream ourselves together? How strange and radical it can be to be really physically in someone's presence, to share space with someone, to be very very close, sharing eye contact and air, to allow them to affect you without mitigating mediums--how truly terrifying this can feel. Intimacy on a grand scale. Sex too. Parapraxes: forgetting, losing, misplacing, slipping, falling, dropping, typos, saying the "wrong" word, saying the wrong name, the wrong time, the wrong place. The way we know how to protect ourselves from the outside but we have no defenses from our own inner worlds. How the psyche kicks the inner "excitations" out to look at them straight and fight them off that way. My friends. My dad. Smoking. Cancer. My childhood. My dreams. Babies. Kids. The compulsion to repeat. Physical pain and how it is necessary to strengthen after mobilizing. How I should start leaving 15-30 minutes early for everything to compensate for Muni and for my inner world. All the the things I've left out. How I should've left that out and most of the other things.