Monday, September 6, 2010

Dear Friends,

I don't have another story for you today, though I am working on one that I think may be promising. I've felt conflicted about the writing of these stories as I'm not used to writing such straight forward prose, especially not about my own life and especially not so quickly. Thank you for all of your encouragement.

Instead, I have a few poems to share. I haven't been able to write poems for months. Lately I've been feeling that uncomfortable ticklish feeling that sometimes accompanies or precedes a poem, and by that I mean that I have been feeling ANXIOUS like I might puke about %25-%50 of everyday. So these are the first stuttering Ah-choos and I think they're mostly snot, but felt like sharing.

I hope you are all well. Gezundheit.


practice skilz
practice on puppies
genuine sampler stitchery
all over everything loops and dit-dit-dashes
municipal pattern drafting
all over muslin and paper thin paper
practice on you her
whip stitch her multi-layered approach
fast action whittlin'
down puppy down
masterful reading comprehension
curvaceous signature classic mode
acting, like, when they, like...
when they pretend to BE someone else
but more than usual, like, they use a METHOD
like in real life they're dressed up
in weird shades and polyester pants
and they're way intense, like more than usual
and everybody's like, whoa, what's up with HER
she's acting

I'm tired and have a weird skillset
I'm tired and I feel anxious a lot
and that makes me feel nauseated
not nauseous, because that would mean I was nauseous
would have the quality of nausea
in my person
which could be true
maybe I make others feel unwell
but also, I feel sick
in my body, specifically
which is maybe the same
mind, body, spirt
that jazz or whatever
nervous illness
days at the beach
--sea side--
with writing tablet/pillow-thingy
writing in bed
hair in a swirled up bun, poofing, mushrooming
my sleeves blousing too
everything blousing and poofing in the seaside air

the air will cure my:
kidney infection
back pain
carpal tunnel
gluten allergy
big, shiny, chewy tumors
nervous illness

i'm looking for a curative
something i can take

hey don't give me that
i can't take it

i'm tired and freaked out, like,
fuckin' ferget it.

i feel shy and i overextend my sociability
on a tri-weekly basis i become effusive
gesturing bigly during daylight hours
as if i were a drunk at night
and it's dark and my audience is funny
funny ha ha and funny pervy, funny queer
i'm method acting
when really they're fucking TIRED
and they distrust my enthusiasm for POETRY


and the poems need more images
bring me poems with more images
bring me poems that my students can relate to
bring me poems by authors who are not white
and fine, I'll go get them myself
because I'm like, instituting praxis and like, making it happen
so i should feel good about that and you should feel good about me
and i should feel good about that
and sometimes i do.

i'm skillful
i'm skillful
get ON me
i'm skillful
get me a JOB that is rewarding and doesn't stress me out
and make me feel like my stomach is turned inside out and that
there were spikes on the inside and now they're on the outside and
poking all my other shit on the inside and making me feel CRAPPY.
i'm skillful
get me to a dang ol', mother-of-god-loving NUNNERY
or something


my emotions are high right now
my emotions are so fucking high
they're running high and stoned and drunk
tripping and rolling
all over themselves
sniffing up the undersides
of ferns for powder
getting mud on their high kicks
crossing hairs
honing in and boning on TARGET brand sheets

gosh, guys, like, i really just wish i had a GOAL in life, junno?

Aaack, but seriously,
my emotions are way high
they are geeked out
on their shared experience
of my life

hey, do you remember that time?
wait, wait, wait, wait, waaaait, wait, what?
d'ya member that time when she?
no but, yeah but, no yeah, but wait
ya-but d'yamemberthetime she-ws all, HEY
you guys should really come out sometime and say, "What's up?"

but they're playing hide n' seek in
my back yard, you know, the back part of my BRAIN
douglas firs and western red cedars
the ferns are so high that
and the firs are so high that
you can't really see through all of that green
which is the good part

there's so much water everywhere too
that your skin turns dry and you develop excema
from just being overWHELMED with WATER all the time
but chill the F out, right?
(chill the fern out. man.)
(chill the fir out. guys.)
get out of the water, get back in the green
and watch go all inside and outside


Do people rub apples on their sleeves in Europe?
In other countries is that a thing?
Do they want their fruit to be shiny?
Do they think that their shoulder is a good place to make that happen?
Or maybe that's just a wax thing
I haven't been
it seems like longer than years
the punks could and should
pilfer this yard fruit
but punks don't go to Sausalito
therefore I am not a punk
I have a ring in my nose for pulling
like, take me by the ear
fetch me off-stage w/ your hooked cane
stretch me ears out to the principal's
or two finger grab in my boogers
then BONK! me like a Marx Bro
No, crap, one of those guys w/ the
those assholes
Wup! Wup! Wup! the hand waves across the face
Wubba wubba
Wacka, wacka, wacka
I don't feel normal
I'll let you in on all my jokes
I think life is funny and scary
I think that I am not sure if it's happening
I am affecting a voice--you should know.
I want you to know about it.

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