Monday, April 27, 2009


-Crickets are always shipped Fedex

-A Rock Hyrax's closest relative is an Elephant
I don't buy it

-When asked whether he had observed any homosexual behavior within the penguin colony that he lived, the man said no, but mentioned that he had observed lady penguins prostituting themselves: having sex with male penguins in exchange for rocks that they then use for their nests.

-Jellyfish: eyeless, skeletonless, heartless, brainless, who throb along, glowing, stinging, killing and experiencing their lives remind me that life is pointless, but also very beautiful.

-The cheetah at the California Academy of Science is dead. So is the antelope in the glass case with it, however, the cheetah has been made to look alive and fierce with its lips curled back to expose dangerous predator's teeth, while the antelope is allowed to just lay there looking dead, leading us to believe that the dead-alive cheetah killed the dead-dead antelope and I wonder if the curators had to do anything to make the antelop look properly dead, dead in the right way.

-As we watched the jellyfish throb and the coral glow, Julia wondered aloud, "Why don't they make everything glow-in-the-dark?" (Glow in the dark slippers? Glow in the dark underwear? Glow in the dark remote controls? Glow in the dark condoms? etc.)

-The man, "Seth", communicated with us from inside the tank. In answer to his audience's questions he replied heartily but was often interrupted by the sound of his own deep inhalations followed by bursts of bubbles rising from his face.

-I could not find the axolotls. Sorry, Julio Cortazar.

-Miette, the cat, keeps turning on the Voice-Over function when she sits on the computer. When I try to turn it off, it tells me exactly what I'm doing.


Nada said...

Gorgeous. Especially the part about the jellyfish.

K. Silem Mohammad said...

Yes, this is wonderful.

K. Lorraine Graham said...

I love rock hyraxes. It's true, they are related to elephants--those little buck teeth aren't teeth, they're tusks. And even share a similar social structure. Hyraxes, also known as "conies" are also Biblical:

"There be four things which are little upon the earth, but they are exceeding wise: The ants are a people not strong, yet they prepare their meat in the summer; The conies are but a feeble folk, yet make they their houses in the rocks; The locusts have no king, yet go they forth all of them by bands; The spider taketh hold with her hands, and is in kings' palaces." (Proverbs 30:24:28 KJV)

K. Lorraine Graham said...

I wrote a post about them, a while back:

There was one lone rock hyrax at the National Zoo, but the zoo here in San Diego has colonies of them.

Stephanie said...

What do you know, ugh, the ruppy:

taylor said...

yay! i gave you factiods to put into the blog. rad.

Ridiculous Human Things said...

Lorraine, what a great quote! I wonder how the author of Proverbs would describe the glowing dogs in Stephanie's link. I
wonder also how it must feel to open a fedex box full of crickets, Taylor? Can you hear them chirping before you open it?

Thank you, all.

Pirate Station said...

I myself have opened a FedEx box of crickets——I imagine that holding a box half-full of frightened mercury would feel much the same.

Lorraine Graham just blew my mind. Lorraine, I think that you should compile a book of animal quotes from the Bible and publish them in a charming gift book.

When I was in 10th grade, my Biology final essay proposed splicing jellyfish DNA into human eggs to produce glowing, easy-to-track children. One year later, the first glowing monkeys appeared in labs on the West Coast. Only their finger nails glow, though.

Poets are but a feeble folk, yet they make their houses in San Francisco and New York.

Pirate Station said...


Ridiculous Human Things said...

I want to know if a monkey looked at its hands and saw them glowing, would it be frightened? Would other monkey's react in fear or awe?

How does experiencing red glow affect the ruppie? We humans know it looks cool but when the ruppie looks at its bright red belly, does it begin trying to lick its own skin off? Do other dogs attack it like an injured chick in a chicken coop?

How do these sudden mutations affect the minds of the mutated animals? Evolution is slow for a reason, right? How can the mind catch up to glowing body parts? Heck, maybe the ruppie doesn't even notice.

I have questions. Including, who sits on the ethics committee for these projects? Maybe we should. Just sayin'.