Monday, April 21, 2008

List 2: Maxwell Heller

List 2: The Powers of Obscure Super(heroes)(villains)

by Maxwell Heller

performs lightning-speed telekinetic mastectomies
dispells ownership disputes concerning grazing ungulates in foreign nations
relaxes facial features of the dead
reduces appearance of protruding ribs
enlists aid of all fur coats within 10 mile radius
reduces appearance of cock and balls in khaki pants
speaks every modern language at junior-college level
rearranges dinner party place-settings for optimal networking conditions
makes them eat cake
repurposes anything for pretty much whatever
immobilizes forces-on-the-move with carpet-bomb doses of French sentiment
removes discernable indicators
rearranges balls in tight pants
can see a flying bullet
speaks with uncanny eloquence about social implications of pretty much whatever
identifies trigger-events
repurposes anyone for pretty much anyone.

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